Abilities - HIS vs. mine

Today I am going to tell you about a little story that continues to challenge me, motivate me, and refocus me as I walk through the hard stuff life throws at me – aka college.

When I was a senior in high school, I toured various schools and sat in on various info sessions to listen about what different schools had to offer for my career interests. In high school, I was very good at doubting my abilities. I didn’t think I was good at science, and thinking of going into a major like Kinesiology/Movement Science that was so science intensive really scared me. The prerequisites needed to get into PT school were things like chemistry, biology, physics, and math. And without much exposure to them, I deemed myself bad at them.

Now let me take a little pause in the story to talk about why this predicament was so crucial and life altering, even if I didn’t realize it at the time. God laid a specific and clear passion on my heart with the career of Physical Therapy. There was not a doubt in my mind of the direction that he wanted me to walk in to attain the degree and go heal people in His name. But man, I was SO scared. I saw the daunting subjects and instead of trusting that my God would carry me through the scary, I nearly ran away completely. I nearly applied to programs with less “hard” classes because I truly believed that I couldn’t do the hard stuff.

I can’t tell you when exactly that idea became irrational to me, but one day it did. I was talking to my mom, afraid of the thought of taking chemistry and math and she looked at me and spoke truth over me. She asked me what I wanted to do career wise, and it was a no brainer that Physical Therapy was my answer. She told me that the things I were so afraid of were only hoops I needed to jump through to get where God called me to be.

So, I did it. I did the hard things, and I’m not going to tell you that I didn’t doubt myself at all. Because, quite frankly, I am now a junior in my major and there are still days that I have absolutely no belief in myself & my abilities. But what has changed since my senior of high school is my belief in my God and HIS abilities. When doubt creeps in, God’s truth now meets those thoughts and shuts them down. My trust in God has changed the trajectory of my future. I almost settled for the easy, comfortable major that wouldn’t fulfill the purpose God laid on my heart. My trust in God, His strength, His abilities, and His specific calling for me in life has pushed me to live a life where I am called to walk straight into the scary, hard stuff. But in the midst of the scary is God – holding me – and this thought carries me when walking seems just too dang hard.

So, what I’m saying is fear can be crippling, and when we don’t allow God to intervene, even if a passion is laid so clearly on our hearts, we could run towards the arms of the easy life/comfort instead of the arms of God in the midst of the uncomfortable. Do I think I am good at chemistry or math? Not innately. Do I think God taught me a lot about HIS character by changing my attitudes towards my ability to learn and do well in these subjects? Heck yeah.

It’s not about us, friends. It’s about what God can do through us. It’s not about our abilities, it’s about trusting that God’s abilities will carry us through when our own are used up.

Believe in yourself, but all the more – believe in your God. It brings me to tears thinking about the work God has done in my heart since I was a scared, doubtful senior in high school. But by grace He has carried me here, and by grace I will carry on.

"I will not let fear of failure consume me. I will live out my calling."

"And blessed is she would believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord." - Luke 1:45

"The more we trust God's abilities, the less power our insecurities hold."